BREAK-UP INSTRUCTIONS: VOLUME 1 - THE SLOW FADE
How many times have you thought to yourself: “I really want to break up with my boyfriend but don’t want to go through a breakup!”
This is a very special sort of break up where rather than be honest, you can methodically become less and less responsive to your bf, thereby distancing yourself, and slowly devour his soul.
This method has been proven to cause a successful breakup while relieving yourself of any guilt, avoiding any sort of emotional confrontation, and putting your bf through an immense amount of pain. 3 birds, 1 stone.
Here’s how it works!
1) Go away for a period of 2-3 months under the guise of work and/or family visits.
2) Slowly stop responding to texts. If he calls you out and asks if everything is okay, simply say: “I’ve been busy.”
3) Simple excuses:
BF: “Wanna skype so I can see your pretty face?”
GF: “My internet isn’t so good.”
BF: ”What’s your address at home so I can send you a Christmas gift/ Valentine’s Day gift/ etc.”
GF: “I don’t know where I’ll be those days.”
BF: “Did you get the emails I sent you with the fun pictures of us? Or the short video I made for you?”
GF: “I haven’t checked my email in a while.”
BF: “When are you coming back?”
GF: “I haven’t booked a ticket yet. Maybe next month.”
BF: “I love you.”
BF: “Wtf is going on?”
GF: “I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone.”
By now, he should be so insecure and confused, you can really cut down on the contact. Exploit this.
If he has any self-esteem left, he’ll break up with you. But he doesn’t. Don’t worry! He’s very close to breaking!
4) Avoid talking about the issue at all costs. Over the phone break-ups are so high school. Even though you’ve already made up your mind and started the process, making him crazy wondering what the deal is is always a better, more adult option.
5) The Home Stretch: You’ve the laid the groundwork. The past few months have been tricky, but now he’s accustomed to you not returning your calls, texts, fb posts or emails. He’s probably wondering what’s wrong with himself, not realizing it’s all a game.
IDEALLY, he won’t be able to take the pain anymore and just let go, leaving a confused, insecure shell of a man who doesn’t understand what happened (And leaving you with a guilt-free breakup!).
IF HE CAN’T TAKE A HINT, you may still have to have a brief talk. BUT THAT’S FINE! You can use the excuse "It’s not my fault! We just grew apart!" This alleviates any responsibility of honesty toward the man you dated for 2 years.
There you go. 5 simple steps to break up with a guy without actually breaking up with him via THE SLOW FADE.